Out of Focus (Love in LA #3)

She hesitates, swallowing before lowering her hands, her eyes quickly raking over my body. “I mean, look at you. Backward baseball cap—I called it, by the way. I just knew you’d pull that shit off. You’re all sweaty, shirtless—again—and now you’ve just put those damn glasses on. Were you written by a very horny woman?” Her lips turn up in a cheeky smile as I walk closer to her. I don’t even realize I’m doing it until she tips her chin up to look at me. “And you’ve been back here just working out for over an hour? No wonder you’re made of solid muscle. Aren’t you tired?”

I can’t help it. I lean in to her and bring my lips just below her ear. “I’ve got more stamina than you’re giving me credit for, gata.” Her breath hitches, though she tries to hide it by clearing her throat. “I can go for as long as you need me to.” I straighten and, with one finger, push her chin up, forcing her mouth to close. “I’m gonna have a quick shower. If you need anything, you know where to find me.” With a wink, I walk away, adjusting myself in my shorts because, goddamn it, I’m always turned on around her.

I spend my shower fluctuating between feeling guilty for pushing the boundaries of what Charlie asked for today and feeling pretty damn proud of myself because if this were all just practice for her, she wouldn’t be having physical reactions to me like blushing and gasping. There’s no way.

We spend the rest of the afternoon watching only our favorite episodes of Friends on the couch, then we order dinner in and decide to watch season three because it’s definitely the funniest one.

At one point, Charlie asks me to pause it so she can go take out her contacts. It’s so completely mundane, and at no point in the evening do either of us touch one another, but I feel more connected to her than I have ever felt to a woman. Even sitting in silence two feet away from each other, the sense of contentment is entirely enough. And every time we laugh, we look at each other, and for a second, I wonder if she likes seeing me laugh as much as I like it on her.

Sometime just before midnight, I notice Charlie’s fallen asleep. I was hoping she wasn’t going to try to leave tonight, and she didn’t. I love that she was comfortable enough to stay, to fall asleep, even.

I try to pick her up without jostling her too much. I figure I can take her to my room, and I’ll sleep on a guest bed. I’m not about to make this weird by spending the night in the same bed as her again when she’s asked me for space.

She nuzzles into my chest and opens one eye to look at me. I kiss her forehead because, again, I can’t help myself. “You can go back to sleep. I’m just gonna take you to bed.”

“Mmm. Yes, please.” Her arm wraps around my neck, and she runs her fingers through the hair at the nape before her breathing slows again. Fuck. She’s not gonna make this easy.

Not bothering to turn on any bedroom lights, I lay her down on one side of the bed while I pull the covers down on the other, then pick her back up to tuck her in on her side.

Her side.

Damn, I like the sound of that. But it’s really just the side of the bed she slept in last night. That’s all it is.

Shaking my head at my stupid thoughts, I take her phone from my pocket and place it on the nightstand, then carefully remove her glasses and do the same with those. She put my shirt on again when she washed her face, but with leggings this time, which is a terrible shame.

Knowing I’m about to leave and not see her until morning, I take my time gazing at her, drinking her in. There’s a light on in the bathroom, and it’s just enough to illuminate her face. “Raf?” she whispers as I drape the duvet over her. “Where are you going? Come to bed.”

Fuck the guest bed.

I have never moved as fucking fast as I do now. I practically rip my shirt off and throw my glasses on the nightstand. The second I’m in the bed, she turns toward me, opening her eyes.

She starts to shimmy under the covers and then tosses something over the side. “Can’t sleep in pants,” she mumbles with a scowl that makes me laugh. She keeps moving before throwing something else. “Or a bra.” She sighs, seemingly content, and I nearly choke on air. And just when I was doing so well at not thinking about her naked.

Still coughing, I respond, “That’s okay. I can’t sleep with a shirt on.”

“I can see that,” she says as her eyes rake over my chest before she closes them again. “I actually thought of you more as the kind of guy who would sleep naked.”

“I normally do,” I admit, and her eyes open widely for only a second before she shuts them tightly. “You think about me naked, shortcake?” I wouldn’t have asked, but she brought it up.

“Far too often.” Her confession takes me off-guard, and I don’t respond. “Sorry, that was… well, it was honest but inappropriate.”

“I like you honest but inappropriate,” I say in a low voice that makes her laugh. It’s one I haven’t heard before, a little husky, and a lot sleepy. “In fact, I think we should amend our agreement to say we have to always be honest and inappropriate.”

“Of course you do.” She blows out a breath, opening her eyes, but just barely. “Can I be honest again?”

“You can always be honest with me, honey bun.” I bop her nose, attempting to ease her mind. Her giggle tells me it’s working.

“You did that while you were hopped up on meds, do you remember?” she asks and I shake my head no. “You nearly poked my eyeball out.” A smile overtakes her face when I laugh. But then her features turn serious again, and I brace myself.

“I really liked today. A lot. Being with you feels easy and fun.” Her brows furrow and I feel the but coming before she even says it. “But…” There it is. I hold my breath, not even wanting to make noise as she potentially ends whatever this is. “But I’m confused. I just… I don’t know what to do anymore.” She yawns, and I slowly let out my breath. “I’m sorry. I’ve been thinking about this all day, but I don’t think the words are coming out right.” Rubbing at her eyes, she sinks a little further into the pillow.

“It’s all right. You’re tired. Why don’t we talk about it tomorrow?” For the second night in a row, I prepare myself to sleep next to the woman I’ve fallen completely head over heels for. And for the morning to come so we can have a conversation I really don’t want to have.

She yawns again, nodding and letting her eyes remain closed this time. “Mmkay.” Her breathing slows almost immediately, but then she shifts again, snuggling into me, and after a few seconds of both of us shuffling around, her head is on my chest, her left leg draped over mine. It’s the sweetest torture.

“Goodnight, Charlie.” I kiss the top of her head, letting the smell of roses fill my nostrils.

She runs her hand over my chest and up to the back of my head, pulling me down as she reaches up. Her mouth covers mine, our lips fitting perfectly together as they always do. When we separate, she lets out a satisfied hum. “Goodnight, Raf.” She kisses my chin and lowers her head back down to my chest, which is suddenly feeling very tight. If she breaks this off tomorrow, I don’t know what I’m going to do.