Out of Focus (Love in LA #3)

“Please don’t,” I say sincerely, and Lisa laughs.

“He really is completely smitten with you. It’s very sweet.” Lisa looks from Rafael to me, her tired eyes swimming with delight.

“I really am. All I ever think about is Charlie. Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.” He sighs dramatically. “I think about her smiles and her laugh. I think about how smart she is and how great her boobs are. She has really, really nice ti?—”

“All signed. We can leave now. Let’s go, Casanova. Thank you so much for everything, Lisa.” I take him by the hand, practically dragging him to the door.

“You’re welcome. You’ll be okay with him?” She shoots me a sympathetic smile, and I scoff at the man next to me.

“He’s a lot, but I can handle him.”

“Yeah, you can, baby.” Raf’s eyebrows jump around, and I pull him faster toward the exit.

“Oh my god. You’ve lost it. Bye, Lisa!” I wave a hand toward her as we make our way through the hallway, chuckling at the complete lunacy of this evening.

“Bye, lovebirds,” Lisa says back.

Raf is quiet on the drive home. The bright lights and the movement of the car make him a bit queasy, so we’re both glad it’s a short drive. I send him upstairs with a bottle of water immediately, then get to work on cleaning the kitchen.

It doesn’t take long, since I had cleared all of the prep things away, and I made sure to get all the remnants into garbage bags and into the bin outside. No traces of mushrooms in this house.

It’s late, and as I walk upstairs to check on Rafael, I notice that most of the lights are off. I wonder if it’s because they’re still bothering him or if he forgot to turn them on in his hazy state. I don’t know which room is his, so I wander quietly until I hear him call my name.

His bedroom is the furthest down the hall, and his citrusy smell is even stronger here. I love it.

“Hi. I just wanted to check on you. Feeling okay?” I stand at the foot of his large wooden bed, which is covered in a linen duvet in a neutral color. The walls are painted something dark, and there’s a soft rug beneath my feet. It’s nice. It feels like the kind of room you could sleep all night and all day in.

“Not okay. I miss you.” Only his head is out of the covers, and I can’t see his face.

“I’m right here,” I repeat for the third time tonight. “I was going to stay downstairs, in case you need anything, so I’ll be close by. All right?”

“No,” he answers immediately. “I mean, can you please stay here? With me?” He sticks his arms out, making grabby hands in my direction.

“Oh. Uh, I’m?—”

“Please, shortcake.” That same desperation from when I walked into his hospital room is back in his voice. “Go through my stuff and find some comfy clothes to change into. I have new toothbrushes in the bathroom cabinet. You can use whatever you want.”

“Okay.” I mean, he’s hard to say no to. And again, I poisoned him. I can handle whatever this is for one night. “I’ll be right back.”

“Yessssssss.” I see him kicking up his feet under the blankets, and I can’t help but smile as I walk downstairs to get my purse. I’ll need my phone and my glasses up here with me.

I end up finding a huge T-shirt with the Marine Corps logo on it in the softest, most worn-out cotton. It’s perfect. I also find a toothbrush, as Rafael said. I use his face wash, remove my contacts, and when I get to the other side of the bed where I suppose I’ll be sleeping tonight, he’s so still that I wonder if he’s fallen asleep.

I get in as gently as I can, and once I settle my head on the pillow, a big, strong arm wraps around me and pulls me into a hard body. A hard body with very little clothing on. He must have stripped down to his underwear. “You’re too far away. I need you closer.” He nuzzles into my neck, taking a deep breath. “Mmm. Roses. My favorite.” With our bodies perfectly lined up, he lets out a low hum. I’m keenly aware of all the parts of our bodies touching with nothing between us. As he usually does, Rafael senses my thoughts before they’re even fully formed in my head. “No funny business tonight. I just need you close, okay?”

My brain is still stuck on the three words he’s said, and not for the first time tonight. I need you.

Usually, when people need me, it’s to solve a problem. When Robert needs me, it’s always because of something going on with the company or his dad or both. It’s because he needs something from me. But Rafael doesn’t want a thing or a solution to a problem. He just wants me. I don’t even have to do anything.

How wonderful to be needed by someone like this, right? Wrong. Because he’s not the one I’m going to wake up to every morning for the rest of my life, is he? He’s not the one I’m preparing to marry. And while I know that person isn’t going to be Robert either, it’s also not Rafael, who is currently hopped up on meds and saying things he probably doesn’t mean.

I sometimes wonder if this thing with us has gone too far, or perhaps he’s just playing into it because he knows now that the goal is for me to be comfortable in a committed relationship with someone.

My thoughts are a mess. I’m tired, and with everything that’s happened, I need to decompress and come back to all of this with a fresh mind. I’m all over the place right now.

“I can hear your brain working, red. I know you’re tired, so for now, let’s rest. We’ll talk about it tomorrow, all right? I promise.” He kisses my shoulder once, twice, three times on the same spot. Something about that repetitive motion soothes me. I don’t know if he knows it, but every time he does this, leaving these series of kisses on one spot, everything in me calms.

His slow steady breaths eventually become my own, and I very quickly fall into a deep sleep.