Out of Focus (Love in LA #3)

My gaze flicks to the window, and my movements stiffen as I feel suddenly exposed. Rafael kisses up my chest, gingerly placing my shirt back in place. “It’s just us, honey. No one can see us.” He swirls his tongue on my pulse point, and I relax into him again. “I promise. I’d never let anyone else see you like this.” His teeth graze my neck, the sharpness soothed by his tongue. “I’ve got you.”

And knowing that I can believe him, I can trust him, I fall back into our rhythm, standing on the edge of that cliff again, but unable to jump.

With steady hands on my backside and my nipples brushing against his cashmere sweater, I close my eyes and focus on the sensations. Everything is heightened when he gently encourages me to keep going, not to stop. “You feel so fucking good.” I feel his words against my skin and bring his hand back to my breast. “I’ve dreamed about you like this.” The sweat gathers on my chest as I inch closer. “This is so much better than any dream.” He matches my every thrust as I pick up speed. “That’s it. That’s my girl,” he whispers as his grip tightens. “Fuck, Charlie.”

And then I’m freefalling. Every muscle in my body tenses and relaxes simultaneously. Wave after wave of pleasure washes over every nerve ending, and when they finally subside, I collapse on a solid chest, arms wrapping tenderly around me. Rafael moves my unruly curls off my face, tucking some behind my ear and leaving kisses on my forehead as we try to catch our breaths.

He said my name. He said my name, and I came so hard I nearly passed out.

Blimey, I might be in trouble here.

34/

i must be the biggest fucking moron on the planet.

rafael

I’ve never given much thought to what heaven would look like, feel like, smell like. Now? Now, I know. It’s this. It’s Charlie’s body tensing as she comes on my lap. It’s the smoothness of her skin and her nipple on my tongue. It’s the smell of roses and chocolate chip cookies.

It’s Charlie.

She’s relaxed now, hand sliding from my neck to my chest, where I’m sure she can feel my heart racing. Her face is tipped up, and I can’t help but pepper her forehead with kisses. Seconds ago, she was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen, and now, she’s adorably sated and limp, sighing as we both settle back into our regular rhythms. There’s a small, relaxed smile on her face, and I’m thankful for the weight of her hand on my chest, because it aches heavily with the knowledge that this is temporary.

In a short time, Charlie has wormed her way into my every thought. And the weird thing is, it doesn’t feel like effort. I always thought that Adam and Owen must be exhausted, always wondering how their partners are doing, always thinking of the next thing they want to do for them or when they’ll get to see one another again. But it’s the opposite of work. She fills a gap in my life I didn’t even realize was there.

“Mmm. Dry humping. Big yes.” Her eyes are still closed as she burrows deeper into me, that ache in my chest lifting as a chuckle is set loose. “I didn’t take you for such an overachiever, you know? We’re really knocking things off the list.” She giggles, lifting her chin to leave a kiss on my neck that sends a shiver through my whole body. It’s the first time she’s initiated a touch like this. Yeah, she jumped over the console and straddled me, but this is intimate. Sweet.

I tighten my hold on her, hoping to prolong the moment just a little while longer. She takes a deep breath and kisses my neck again. It’s just a touch of her lips, but I’m not sure anything has ever felt so right. “You always smell so good,” she whispers against my skin. “And this sweater is so soft.” She fists my sweater like a blanket, and I chuckle in response. “I swear I feel that sound in my bones. Every time.” She sighs again, her breath dancing across my skin. “This is kind of the perfect sensory experience. I could just…” She breaks off, and I wait for her to finish her sentence, but she never does. She’s asleep.

I don’t dare move. This is like that one time my cat fell asleep next to my leg. I didn’t even want to breathe too hard because I was so scared she’d run off. So, I sit and enjoy every second I can get of Charlie letting her guard down and letting me in.

It lasts fifteen minutes. She wakes up and mumbles something incoherent, moving her hips from side to side. I hold my breath and pray for my dick to keep it together and not make himself known. “Raf?” Her voice comes out raspy as she starts to untangle our bodies.

I loosen my grip on her to give her space. “Hi, gata.”

“Hi.” She sits up, stretching her arms. When she moves her hips again, I try to still her with my hands. She has no idea how much she’s torturing me right now. “Ouch, my hips are going to feel this in the morning.”

“Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you. You looked so peaceful.” I run my index finger along her cheek, moving the hair that’s stuck there. She’s a little disheveled, and it’s so incredibly adorable that I can’t help but smile.

She moves back on my lap, and I lift her and help her back into the passenger’s seat. “I’m sorry I took a nap on you. Speaking of which, I think my legs are now asleep.” She stretches them out, wiggling around in her seat the same way she had just done on my lap, and I miss it. I miss the feeling. “I should, um, find the loo.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” The lot is well-lit, but I’d hate for her to get lost getting back here.

“I think I’m fine, but do you not need to go, too, and like… clean u—Oh. Oh. You didn’t. Oh my God.” Her cheeks turn a shade of red I don’t think I’ve seen before. It’s not the same as when I rile her up, and it’s definitely not the same pink as when she’s turned on. I’ve officially memorized that color. This is embarrassment. Her eyes dart to my lap, and it dawns on me that she’s realizing I didn’t come.

She reaches for the door, but I lean over her and stop her. She won’t look at me, but I talk anyway. “I could have, believe me. I had to work very, very hard not to make a mess in my pants.”

“You did?” Her voice is so small. I hate it. I hum a response, my words catching in my throat. “So, it’s not because I did something wrong or?—”

“No. God, no. You’re perfect. I told you, red, a fucking dream. Better.” I don’t know who put this uncertainty in her head that she’s anything but perfection. I wish I could undo it, make her see what I see.

“Okay,” she whispers. “I should go.” She sniffles, her eyes still on her lap.

“When you get to the end of the rows of cars, it’ll be to your left. It’s pretty clearly marked. We’re in section H, row 10.” I release the door, and she nods, whispering thanks. And then, she’s gone.

I pull at my hair, trying to calm down and remember that all I can do is reassure her, be a constant and steady source of safety for her.

By the time she returns, I’m so caught up in the movie that I don’t register her being back until she shuts the door. Twisting my neck to look at her, I smile, seeing her bright orange-red hair piled on top of her head, her hoodie now zipped up to her neck. “Hey. Found everything okay?”