Out of Focus (Love in LA #3)

“Um, you mentioned it once. About two years ago, I think. I mean, you were talking to Lainey, but I was sure I heard you say you liked romantic comedies, especially from the nineties and two-thousands.” He pulls into a gravel driveway, only removing his hand from my knee to reach for his wallet in the center console.

He remembers a conversation we had two years ago. A conversation I can’t even recall, but that he pulled this detail from.

The board in front of us says 10 Things I Hate About You and Love & Basketball. Great movies.

“What is this place?” I look around at what looks like a wide-open parking lot, a few cars scattered around.

Rafael hands a man some cash and pushes the button to close his window. “A drive-in.” His hand lands back on my knee.

“Like the ones in the movies?” I look around, taking in the giant screen that comes into view, the lights shining on the other side from the food trucks and snack stands.

“Like the ones in real life.” He chuckles as he scans the place for a spot. “This one is a pop-up, but there are a few permanent ones around the city. Wait. Wait. Red, are you saying you’ve never been to a drive-in?” There’s nothing but delight in his tone.

“That’s what I’m saying, yes. When I lived in New York, we never went because we never had a car, and I guess no one has ever thought to take me to one in London.” And I know Robert won’t watch movies unless it’s in his fancy home theater with pretentious leather recliners.

There aren’t too many people here, but I notice that the crowd ranges from teenagers to people with mostly gray hair. I suppose between nostalgia and the sudden reemergence of all-things nineties and Y2K, this makes sense.

When I finish taking everything in, I turn to find Rafael already looking at me, that dimple-popping smile making my belly tighten. “Oh, honey bun, I’m so happy I get to be your first drive-in date.”

It won’t be my only first you get tonight.

His smile widens, and my cheeks heat. Great. Now I’m thinking out loud. Without missing a beat, he leans across the console, unbuckling my seatbelt and slowly releasing it into place. He tangles his fingers in my hair, holding me by the back of my neck. I don’t know how he knows exactly how to touch me, but he does. Like he’s been trained to know just how much pressure I like. “I’d like to have all your firsts, red, but since I can’t, I’ll take whichever I can get.”

His lips touch mine, and immediately, I open up for him, needing to taste him again even though we were just making out thirty minutes ago. Sadly, this kiss doesn’t last nearly as long. With his lips hovering over mine and his eyes still closed, he catches his breath, and I attempt to do the same. “I fucking love kissing you,” he says softly against my skin. He presses his lips to mine again, then once more, and then his warmth is gone. The way he emphasized the word love plays over and over in my mind. The way he said it like he meant it, like I might be his favorite kiss, his favorite date, his favorite everything. No one has ever said they liked kissing me before, let alone that they loved it.

My body is tingling in so many places, my mind is racing through so many thoughts. I need a moment to process. I need a break from feeling so much all at once. Then my phone rings, and when I lift it, Robert’s name lights up the screen. Rafael sees it, watches as I press on the side button, sending him to voicemail. I set my phone to do not disturb, knowing calls from Elaina and Maeve will still come through and shove the phone back into my purse.

I fight the urge to apologize, and I have a feeling Rafael wouldn’t want me to, either. It’s not my fault Robert has terrible timing.

“I’m going to go scope out the place, figure out where the washrooms are, and see what they have for food and drinks. You can get changed in the back seat. The windows are blacked out, so no one will see you. I’ll come back in like ten or fifteen minutes and let you know what I find, then I can go get whatever you want, is that okay?” Those molten chocolate eyes are patient and kind as he yet again offers me exactly what I need. I nod, unable to let the words loose from the tightness in my throat, and a moment later, he’s gone.

The car is quiet, except for the faint sound of music seeping in from outside and some faraway chatter. I settle into my seat, dropping my head back and taking a few calming breaths. Despite how wonderful this evening has been, I still find myself overwhelmed. In the past, if I’d had to ask to go somewhere else or excused myself for too long, my dates had either ended things immediately or appeared understanding in the moment, only to ghost me later or give some halfhearted excuse as to why we couldn’t see one another again.

It’s why I kept this part of myself mostly hidden from Robert. He described me as shy, introverted, sensitive to crowds and noises, never fully understanding the extent of things. I tried to explain it to him once, when he became a bit frustrated with me at Oxford because I was fidgeting too much during a study session. He told me everyone has a little ADHD and if autism was a spectrum, then everyone must be on it. I didn’t push the issue. I’d heard all of that from my mother, too, when I received my diagnoses shortly before leaving for NYU. And then again, when I explained that the little pill I took every morning wasn’t a cure or a fix, it was simply a tool to help me cope with ADHD, and that the same couldn’t be done for autism.

And so, my mask was set more firmly in place. I could take it off at home, with my sister and with Elaina and nowhere else. And now I can take it off with Rafael, too.

After a few minutes of focusing on my breathing, my body starts to relax, and I find myself thinking of all my favorite moments from this evening, which turns into me essentially reliving the entire thing because it’s all been amazing. I didn’t know what to expect, but books, a completely private dinner, and a drive-in playing old-school romance movies were not it.

And then there’s the kissing. Just thinking about Rafael kissing me makes my lips tingle. And other parts, too. I’d never experienced that all-consuming, full-body, I-think-I-forgot-my-name feeling. I was completely wrapped up in him, in us. And I think he was, too.

I get into the back seat and change into my comfy pants, a tank top, and a zippered hoodie. I even packed my Birkenstocks and some socks because I am embracing at least some parts of living in sunny Southern California. It’ll be a nice reminder of my time here when I’m back in London.

As I’m hopping over the console to get back into the front seat, I catch some movement outside of the car and see Rafael approaching. He opens the driver’s door and slips back inside, placing two water bottles in the cup holders. “Woo, it got chilly out there. You look nice and cozy.” He rubs his hands together and blows on them. “I managed to scope the whole place out for us.”

Us. Not for me or because of me. For us.

“Thank you for doing that,” I say, turning the vent, which is currently blowing warm air at my hands, toward him.

His lips turn up in a smile. “I got us some water, but I took pictures of all the menus in case you’re hungry or you want anything else.” Holding his phone up to his face, he unlocks it and hands it to me.

I put a hand out, indicating I don’t need to take it. “I absolutely cannot right now, but thank you. Plus, we haven’t had dessert yet.”

His knowing smirk sends tingles down my spine as we both hear the innuendo in my words. “Right.” He clears his throat. “I, uh, have a couple of blankets in the backseat, so if you want, we could get more, um, comfortable back there.” His cheeks turn a peachy shade of pink I find absolutely fascinating. “Shit, there’s no way to say that without sounding like I wanna feel you up in the backseat of my car, which I would love to do, obviously, because look at you, but that’s not why I brought you here.”

He rubs a hand down his face, looking up at the ceiling of the car like he’s trying to find his next words there. I fight back a smile, thoroughly enjoying how flustered he is and offering no help.

“Okay, in all honesty, I hadn’t really thought of the drive-in until I saw an ad for this pop-up today, and I didn’t have time to clean my awful mess or go buy an air mattress so we could pop the trunk and be super comfortable, so I almost didn’t do this at all, but when I saw the movies they were playing, I thought you might like it. Now, I wish I had planned this better because I don’t want your first drive-in experience to be lame. I’ll get the mattress for next time.”