Out of Focus (Love in LA #3)

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i’m not going to kiss you.

rafael

Charlie is completely lost in her own little world right now, and I’m okay with just being a spectator. I watch her face change with every book that she picks up as she rocks back and forth on her heels. I don’t think she realizes it, but she’s basically giving me a silent review of each one. Either her eyes light up and she smiles in appreciation, or she puts the book down with a frown.

I’ve picked up all of the books that have put a smile on her face. So far, I’ve got six books, one bookmark she giggled at, and a sticker that says introverted, but willing to discuss books, which she pointed at, saying, “True.”

I had hoped she would like this place. It’s less busy than the larger independent store in downtown LA, and the plants really do give a more calming vibe. I think it’s a success, though I don’t know if I should feel bad that we’re not really talking to each other. This is supposed to be her dream first date, after all.

She picks up a notebook and clutches it to her chest as she continues to browse the shelves.

After about forty-five minutes, she lets out a slow breath and turns to me. “All right, I think I’m done. I’m going to go pay for this, and we can go if you want.” She turns to face me fully, and her brows jump up when she takes in the stack of books I’m holding. “Wow, you’re getting a lot of books!”

She has no idea. This is just half of them. I had to unload the others at the cashier’s desk because they were getting awkward to carry. I ended up deciding to get two of every book so that maybe, if she ever wants to, we can read these books together. Or I can just read them on my own. It’ll be nice to know she’s also reading them. I don’t know. It seemed like a good idea when I thought of it.

“Here, let me get the notebook for you.” I put out my hand to take it, but she continues to hug the gray and yellow journal. Her mouth opens, then closes, then opens again.

“Are you sure?” Her eyes dart from me to the person working the register, who is smiling kindly at us.

“Positive, pumpkin.” Twisting to face the store employee, I pat the stack of books already on the desk. “These are ours, too.”

“All of those?” When did you even—” Charlie’s eyes rake over the spines, realization starting to sink in. “Those are all books I looked at. You’re going to read all of those? Twice? Why do you have two of each book?” Okay, maybe she’s not realizing what’s happening here.

Withholding my laughter—because damn it, she’s cute when she’s sorting through something, but she will also snap me in half if she thinks I’m laughing at her—I tug at her chin, directing her to look at me. “They’re for us, shorty. So, we can either read them together, or separately, or whatever. All right?”

Before Charlie can answer, the person across the desk makes a noise. “Aw, you two are so sweet! How long have you been together?”

The question makes me smile as Charlie stands motionless, big blue eyes begging me to answer. “This is our first date,” I say, not breaking our contact or taking my eyes off her. “I’m just trying to make it so she wants a second.”

“Oh. My. God. You’re buying books to read with her and it’s only your first date? This is the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard! I’m going to tell absolutely everyone I know about this. Will you two come back? I have to know if you keep dating. I mean, girl, how can you not keep this man—” They continue talking, but I block it out. All I see, all I hear is Charlie.

“You know I’m going to have to write about this, right?” She licks her bottom lip, and I drop my hand as she speaks low enough so only I can hear her. “I mean this is completely adorable and incredibly thoughtful. But please don’t spend all this money if you’re not going to read these books. And you don’t have to read them with me. I mean, I would like that, and it would be fun to sort of have a little book club or whatever. I’ve never really done that before. But you don’t have to. I totally get that you might not even want to read them at all?—”

I place a finger over her lips to silence her. It’s a bold move. One she might hate, but she doesn’t bite me or push me away, so I keep it there. “Oh, I want to, red. I definitely want to.” I lean in closer, not wanting the clerk to hear what I’m about to say next. “And who knows, we might just find some things to add to your list in these books.” A rosy blush blooms on the apples of her cheeks.

“Right. Yeah. Okay.” Her eyes dart sideways to the clerk who is still scanning items and pretending not to watch us closely. I can feel how uncomfortable it makes Charlie, so I step back and rest my elbow on the counter.

Charlie is busy looking at a small plant that has no leaves. She pets it gently with her index finger, smiling as she does. It sort of looks like it’s just twigs, but it must be one of those succulents my sister likes because it’s bright green.

“I’ll take the plant, too, please.”

The employee audibly sighs as they punch in some numbers. “The pot, too?”

“Please,” I reply.

Two minutes later, we have all of our books in two separate bags, with Charlie’s extras in hers. I take both, and when I step back from the desk, she looks up from the shelf she’s been studying. “Don’t forget your plant, honey bun.” I lift up a hand, pointing to the little plant.

“You bought the plant? Wait, it’s for me, isn’t it?” She picks it up, shaking her head. “Really laying it on thick, eh, Machado?” Her lopsided smile brings us back to familiar territory where we can banter and tease.

“Yeah, well, I’m sort of trying to impress here.” I look at her over my shoulder and see her smiling down at the weird little houseplant in her hands. She hums a response, and when we get to my car, I take the plant from her and pop the trunk, making sure Charlie doesn’t come around to see all the shit I still have back here. I really need to clean this up. I grab a blanket that was trapped under a box of old DVDs I’ve been meaning to donate and create a little nest to prop the little pot into. Perfect.

Charlie is standing by the passenger door, looking pensive as she watches the cars roll by. I reach to open the passenger door, and she turns to face me. “Are you going to kiss me?” She crosses her arms in a protective way, almost like she’s hugging herself rather than putting on a defiant stance.

I’ve thought about this. I’ve thought about kissing her, and not just because we’re on a date. I’ve thought about kissing her just because I’m curious to know what she feels like, what she tastes like, and how she would fit against me. I’ve thought about how good it would feel to get Charlie out of her head for a minute or two, to watch her be consumed by something other than her thoughts or the things around her. The truth is, I want Charlie consumed by nothing but me. I do. I want to watch her let go, and I want to be the reason she can.

“No, shortcake. I’m not going to kiss you.” I swallow as her face falls. “Not right now, anyway. Because I don’t want to kiss you where anyone can see us. Where the thought of being seen might take away from the moment. I want to kiss you when it’s just you and me. Just us.” Her arms drop to her sides, shoulders relaxing. Her tongue darts out to wet her lips again, and it takes every ounce of self-control not to push her up against the car and steal her breath, steal her kiss.