Out of Focus (Love in LA #3)

I’m about to get really crazy here…

The gate opens when I try it, so either he’s home, or he left it unlocked. Unlikely, given what he does for a living. I close it softly behind me and walk into the yard, intent on going for the kitchen door, hoping he either can’t hear me or that I’ll catch him ignoring me.

Instead, Rafael’s back comes into view. He’s standing with his hands in his hair, looking up at the sky, when he turns abruptly, saying “fuck it” under his breath.

rafael

I stumble back when I see her. “Charlie. What… I was just about to go back to your place. What are you doing here? I thought you and… You know what, that doesn’t matter. Why are you here?”

She’s here, standing in front of me, hands fisted at her sides, unmoving. I shake my head, not waiting for her to answer me because it doesn’t matter why. “That doesn’t matter either. I need to say some things to you, and I can’t wait anymore, so I’m glad you came.” I blow out a breath, tasting the words on my tongue before they’re out there and I can’t take them back.

“No.” She steps forward. Well, fuck, I don’t know that I’ve ever been turned down that fast before. She licks her lips and shakes her head, mumbling something to herself. “I need you to hear me first.” Now I’m the one shaking my head, because I don’t think I can. “Yes,” she demands firmly. Her brows furrow tightly, fists tightening at her sides.

We’re in a full standoff now, and when her mouth opens to speak again, I do the same. “Please choose me,” I beg.

“I’m in love with you,” she shouts over me. “What?”

“Wait. What?” I step toward her, needing to be closer, needing those words again; to hear them, to taste them.

“No,” she says, taking a step back. “You first. What did you just say? Because I shouted my thing, so I didn’t hear you.”

“I said—” I clear my throat, swallowing down the lump that has been lodged there for far too long. “I said, please choose me.” I take another step, and she stays put. Her blue eyes glisten as they fill with tears, and mine do the same.

A watery laugh shakes her. “Choose you?” She laughs again, moving closer to me, but we’re still too far apart. I can’t reach her. “Wh—How can you ask me to do that when you’re the only bloody option? Do you really think anyone else ever even stood a chance against your dimples? That smile? Or your hugs? And the sound of your voice in the morning? How about the way my whole body lights up when you’re close? How my heart beats harder just at the sight of you? You really think there’s anyone else who can do that?

“I miss you the second you’re not around. I can’t wait to hear what you say next, to learn one more thing about you until I know everything. And I know I can’t know everything, but I want to.

“I want to soak up every detail of you, every thought you have, every opinion, every joke you tell. I want to be your best friend and the person you come home to. I want to cook with you and Vó, and watch you wrestle with your brothers. I want to dance with you and your family until they’re my family too. I want to embed myself so deeply in your life, in your skin, in your bed, in your everything until I can’t see where I end and you begin. I want it all with you in a way I never thought I could.

“There is no one else to choose from, Rafael. There never will be. You are and will always be my only choice. So, you can’t ask me to choose. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took me this long to see it, to see you. I’m so?—”

I’m finally close enough to reach her, so I effectively stop her apology with my mouth on hers. Her hands find their home around my neck, in my hair, scratching lightly at my back as we both moan into each other’s mouths. We pull apart with sniffles, our cheeks stained with both of our tears.

“Please don’t apologize. That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard. I was prepared to spend the rest of my life pining for you, missing you, begging you to love me the way I love you.” I sniffle again as a soft sob leaves her lips. I wipe at her tears, kissing them when they refuse to stop falling. “So, don’t apologize because you have just given me everything I’ve ever wanted. You. You’re everything, Charlie. I love you. I’ve wanted you for so long, and that want grew into love so fast I didn’t even see it happen. Like that little seed sat dormant for years and then bloomed overnight. And then I saw it, and I couldn’t unsee it. Couldn’t ignore it. But I was so scared to tell you, to not be chosen by you, because that would have broken me, carrot cake. I can handle the rest of the world not choosing me, but you?” I touch my forehead to hers, shaking my head as I swallow down the sadness I was prepared to feel today.

“I’m not going back to London,” she whispers. With another sniffle, she straightens. “Well, I am, but just to get my things. I’ve already sent my resignation in. And I told Robert to go fuck himself. Well, no, I didn’t say that, exactly. Bollocks, I should have told him to go fuck himself, shouldn’t I? But I told him I didn’t want to see him ever again. Those exact words. I made myself very clear. I think. I hope. Have I made myself clear? To you?” Her lips turn down into that adorable pout like she’s about to start crying again, and I can’t help my smile. She’s so fucking cute.

“I think what you’re saying is that you’re desperately in love with me.” Her lips purse, as if she’s fighting back a smile. “And that you sent that asshole in the tight khakis packing.” I bring my nose to her neck. “Because you couldn’t resist me.” Kissing along the column of her neck, I pull her closer, and her grip on me tightens. “Because you’re kind of obsessed with me.” She scoffs at my teasing tone, then gasps when I bite down on her shoulder. Looking at her beautiful face, I smile down at her. “How did I do, Chuck?” I test the old nickname, and she rolls her eyes as a cheeky grin spreads over her face, and I groan. “Careful, that eye-roll doesn’t have the effect you think it has.” I shift my hips, making sure she can feel the exact effect it has. Her cheeks take on a different blush. The one that I know travels down to her neck, her chest, coloring her skin in my favorite shade of pink.

“Show me, then.” Her eyes lock on my lips before meeting my own.

“Show you what, gata?” I want her words.

“What I do to you.” She runs her fingers over my cheeks, tracing the shape of my jaw and my nose. “How much you love me. That you’re mine.” She kisses me, soft and slow. “Show me with your hands, with your tongue, with your cock. Show me everything,” the woman I love whispers onto my lips, giving me the words I pissed her off with when we first met. Now they have new meaning.

Without another word, I squeeze her ass with both hands and pull her up, her legs instantly wrapping around me. We’re about to spend the rest of the day in bed. The rest of the week, maybe.

56/

i should let you make all the decisions.

charlie

He moves so quickly through the house that everything moves around me in a blur. There’s no time to react, to giggle, nothing. I just hold on tightly until he sets me down more gently than I expect him to.

He stands in front of me, flexing his fingers, looking me up and down like he’s trying to decide something. “What is it?” I ask.

“I can’t decide if I want to undress you slowly or if I just want you to be naked already.” His eyes lock on my heaving chest, and they don’t leave that spot when I make the decision for him by pulling my shirt over my head. I work on my leggings next and then my bra and panties join my discarded clothes on the floor as Rafael watches me intently. “Okay, yeah, watching you get naked was definitely the better choice. I should let you make all the decisions.”