Love, Utley (Love Letters #1)

He holds my gaze. “The woman who told me you left.”

The bitter, jealous person inside me shakes her fist at him. “You talk to her often?”

“No. Never.”

“Then how…?”

“I remembered her name and figured she followed me on social media. I was right.” I almost snort at his cockiness, but since he was right, I guess I have nothing to laugh at. “But we…” He trails off, and I don’t really need him to finish that sentence.

“So you found her?” I prompt.

“I messaged her asking for her number, and she sent it immediately.” He makes a face. “Even though I’m pretty sure she’s married with kids now.”

“That’s nice,” I say with heavy sarcasm.

His shoulders rise and fall with a big breath. “She was always a jersey chaser. I should’ve fucking known.” He shakes his head at himself. “I was so stupid for not putting it together when it happened.”

“You’re not stupid, Maddox.”

His expression is pained. “She saw you leave the letter. And she read it.” The thought of someone other than Maddox reading that letter has me squeezing my pillow tighter. “Then she ripped it up so I’d never know.”

“And pretended like she overheard me so you wouldn’t go looking,” I finish, seeing it all so easily.

Maddox hunches forward. “I can’t believe I believed her.”

“Maddox, it’s easy to believe her when it was the truth.”

“No. No, don’t make excuses for me. She happened to find me when I was on my way to the library. She set me up, and I fucking fell for it. I didn’t even go to see if she was telling me the truth. I just believed it and went back home.” His fingers open and close around the comforter.

I hate this.

I hate that this is what happened.

That everything between us was undone so easily.

But I also hate seeing Maddox like this.

I reach out and place my hand on top of his knee. “It was Saturday. Even if you had gone that day, no one working would’ve known where I was. I’m pretty sure my boss didn’t even check her email on weekends.”

“I should have gone.” Maddox tightens his fists around the material, not listening to me.

“There’s no —”

“I didn’t go back to the library for a long time. When I never saw you again on campus, I knew you were gone. But at the end of the school year, I just couldn’t let it go. So I went to the library every day for two weeks, hoping to see that one friend of yours.”

“Friend?” I furrow my brows.

“The short one.”

“Sissy?” She was the nice coworker who befriended me during my short time working there.

He makes a sound. “I never knew her name, but I thought maybe she’d know where you were. But she wasn’t there.”

“I think she transferred out after the first semester. I still talk to her sometimes. She lives here. Works at some fancy gym I bet you’d like.” I try to lighten the mood, but his face is tipped down so I can’t see his expression.

I’ve been so mad at Maddox for so much of my life. It’s good to know what happened, to finally put it all together, but truly, I just don’t want to be mad anymore.

“I slept with her,” he blurts out.