Love, Utley (Love Letters #1)

But then I remember what he said.

It’s the least you owe me.

I remember the way I felt hollow as soon as he said that.

I remember how the stickiness between my thighs suddenly felt dirty.

I remember feeling cold.

And that’s when the tears start.

They mix with the streams of water running over my body, disappearing as soon as they fall.

Maddox was so intense, the way he touched me, the way he commanded me.

And he was just as serious when he said that. The heat of desire was gone, and he was left staring at me like I was the one who’d wronged him.

I press the heels of my palms into my eyes and try to rub the vision of him from my brain.

But it doesn’t work. And it doesn’t stop the tears.

Tears of frustration. Tears of anger. Tears of self-pity.

It wasn’t my fault my mom had a stroke.

It wasn’t my fault we couldn’t afford to live if someone wasn’t running the shop.

Wasn’t my fault life is so disgustingly unfair.

A hiccuped sob gets locked in my lungs.

It wasn’t my fault he never fucking called.

Owe me.

I never really expected him to show up one day and save me.

Never truly thought he would.

But it didn’t stop me from dreaming, from hoping for a different outcome.

For a happily ever after. For some light in the dark.

For someone to choose me.

I tip my head down.

I hoped for something that would never happen.

And now, all these years later, I can admit that after we kissed, after that day when he hugged me in the middle of the street… I hoped all over again.

I believed in something that didn’t deserve to be believed in.

But this time, there’s no one to blame but myself.

And it makes me so goddamn angry.

Opening my mouth, I let out the most forceful silent scream I can manage.