Love, Utley (Love Letters #1)

After pulling the curtains closed, I climb into bed.

As is customary, I brushed my teeth and changed into my sleep pants and tank top before the last episode. It’s something Mom and I started doing back when I was in high school, so if we stayed up too late watching TV, we could go right to bed.

Small flickers of moonlight sift through the curtains, reminding me of a time I slept in a different library.

Pulling the blankets up to my chin, I close my eyes and let myself remember.

When we realized we’d been locked in, Maddox and I came together like magnets. Like there was no other outcome than us combining the way we did.

We used benches as a bed, and… after, I used his chest as a pillow, and we used his hoodie as a blanket.

I think about the paper football he had in his pocket, how he propped it against his chest and told me to make a wish and flick it onto a chair for the wish to come true.

I wished for Maddox to be the man that I marry.

And when the paper football went off course, he kicked it into place.

At the time, it felt like a sign. Like some sort of good omen.

But ever since then, I’ve decided it wasn’t. That maybe his interference messed with our destinies. Like he rewrote our timelines with that one kick.

It’s foolish, of course. Destinies aren’t real.

But what if he hadn’t helped it? What if it had continued off course and landed on the floor?

Maybe I would’ve gone to sleep that night with a little less confidence. And therefore wouldn’t have put so much weight on our time together.

I roll onto my side and curl my hands under my chin.

I never forgot about Maddox. But as time went by, as I watched his life morph into that of a professional athlete, the memories felt less and less real. Because he became someone I didn’t know anymore.

He became such a distant figure I never even considered what I’d do if I ran into him again.

Of course, I knew he lived somewhere in the Twin Cities since he played for the Biters for five years. But we ran in such different circles it didn’t occur to me to worry about it.

But just because I kept an eye on his career, doesn’t mean I was pining over him, just curious.

I’ve dated since then. Gone out with some really nice guys. It’s just bad luck that nothing has worked out.

I wasn’t waiting.

NINE

MADDOX

“I know several teams have their eye on Max Lovelace for first-round drafts next April,” the sportscaster says about my little brother.

I keep listening to the TV but pull up the location for Petals again.

There’s something about all this that just doesn’t make sense.

Why would Hannah work at this dinky shop for so many years, then leave for HOP U for only one week before returning?

She never struck me as the irresponsible or rash type. She wouldn’t have done all the work to get admitted, move, and get a job on campus, just to leave.

I slap my phone down onto my thigh.

Why am I obsessing about this?