Hunt Me! I Crave the Chase (Spooky Boys #3)

Lydia’s training forced the monsters under my bed in front of my bullets. And yet nothing I’d been through could help me now. Not when I needed it.

There was no escaping my past today.

I couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t?—

Gasping like a fish out of water, I jerked the dial on the shower as hot as it would go, hoping the pain would be enough to distract me again. Thankfully, it cooperated instead of breaking. Woosh, it rained down, baptizing me of my thoughts.

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Think about something else, anything else.

I was glad that water had decided to be blistering today.

The more it burned, the more centered I felt.

My teeth started to chatter, my heart racing as my jaw clenched tight. It stayed just as unforgivingly hot as when I’d first gotten in, but I welcomed the pain. I let it assault my back, familiar numbness settling into place. I shut my eyes and the world went dark. My teeth ached. My hands were shaking.

I reached for the bar of soap and—grabbed the scentless bottle Mutt had bought me instead. And then I sat on the shower floor and cried. At least, until Mutt’s furry head pushed through the bathroom door, and the big hairy beast crawled into the shower beside me. His fur became matted and soaked, but he didn’t mind.

And as I buried my face in his fur, my thoughts spin-spin-spinning, I tried to figure out what the fuck I was going to do.

Because I’d been wrong when I’d thought I was lost before.

How could I have been lost when I’d never known where I was in the first place?

And now I did. I did know. I knew happiness. I knew who and what I was. And I just…I didn’t want to lose him. Blair had said I deserved to be happy. I’d thought it an empty platitude. Hadn’t believed him or trusted it.

But I was starting to think…that maybe…if someone as sweet and loyal as Mutt wanted me. Maybe if my brothers were so doggedly determined to keep me in their lives. Maybe the fact I’d survived at all meant I was stronger, better, more loved than I thought.

They say it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

And they were right.

Because I’d bear this pain gladly if it meant I got to keep Mutt for as long as possible.

“You want…dating advice?” Blair slurped his orange soda, brow quirked. “From…me?”

“Yes.” My cheeks were hot and my hands felt sweaty. Blair was driving. We were on our way to check out another lead for my ongoing hunt for answers to help Mutt, and we’d just stopped at a shitty Mexican food place that had surprisingly good burritos for lunch.

Blair had plowed through his in record time. Swear to God he’d only taken two fucking bites of the thing, and happy-food-danced the whole time. And now we were on the road again, and I was still nursing my own burrito.

Truth was…I wasn’t all that hungry.

Talking to hunters made me nervous. And though I’d told Blair this wasn’t all that new to me, he still didn’t know the full truth. Not about what Lydia had put me through. Not about my training.

My therapist had said that sharing the truth might help me feel less like I was drowning, and I wanted that…I really fucking did. But the words just…didn’t want to come out. They felt stuck and clogged and every time I tried to open my mouth to tell him something else came out.

Like now.

I also hadn’t meant to ask for dating advice. Well…I had. Just…not this very second. That was gonna be after I told him the truth. He was probably wondering, if I’m being honest. It was a giant fucking red flag that I already knew as much about the supernatural as I did.

Blair seemed to assume it was because I remembered growing up in Elmwood, and I’d let him.

But…