Hey Jude (Lennox Valley Chronicles #1)

“I didn’t think he would ever hurt me.” Am I that naïve?

“But he’s all fucked up on drugs now and scaring you? Have I got that right?” He raises his eyebrows in an exhausted kind of frustration.

“Yes, but—”

“Olena,” he starts, his shoulders pulling up, “I don’t know what this guy is capable of. But this doesn’t sound good.” He rubs a hand down over his beard.

“Look, I didn’t know what to do, okay? I still don’t know what to do. What can I do?” I feel desperate.

He drops his shoulders, throwing his hands out at his sides. “You could’ve told me! I can help you. Protect you.”

I can tell he’s hurt that I didn’t trust him with this. But I didn’t want to make my baggage his problem. “That’s not fair to ask of you. You’re not my bodyguard, Jude.” I hold his gaze, my vision blurring.

He levels me with a look, his voice low and even. “So, what am I to you?”

I can’t answer. How can I find the words to tell him what he means to me? I let my eyes drop away from his. When I look back up at him, I see the flicker of pain in his expression.

“What is this, Olena? Is this just sex?” His expression is raw with emotion.

“No! That’s not what I’m saying…” Tears spill over. I can see in his eyes that he doesn’t understand, but I can’t find the words to fix this.

“What are you saying, then? Do you even know?” His words sting and I wince. His voice is distant now. “Sounds like you need some time to think, after all.”

My heart feels like it’s been hit by a freight train when he turns away from me, grabs his things, and walks out.

I hear Jude call Murphy’s name, followed moments later by the sound of the front door shutting firmly behind him.

39

JUDE

I’ve chopped all the wood I have, I’ve worked out hard, and I’m still crawling out of my skin two hours after leaving Olena. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me about her ex-boyfriend threatening her. Dishonesty gets deep under my skin. The years of managing Miles as he tried to hide his drinking have burned me, and I can’t handle someone who isn’t honest. It never occurred to me that Olena would lie to me.

Cool your jets, man. This is more about Miles, I realize, and that’s not fair to put on her. We’ve only known each other a few weeks, after all. But still. She pushed me away. Again.

I feel sick. I thought we were…

I don’t know what I thought we were. But it wasn’t this.

I shower and get ready for work in a daze. I barely eat breakfast; my appetite is non-existent, replaced by a nausea I can’t shake. Murphy watches me closely as I dump my untouched food into the trash. He can sense something isn’t right.

Buried under my disappointment and hurt is worry. What if this unhinged asshole does something dangerous? What if he shows up in Lennox and tracks her down? What is he capable of? Would he hurt her?

She’s made it clear she doesn’t want my help protecting her. You’re not my bodyguard, Jude. The sentence echoes in my head.

How can she not see how I feel about her? That I want to care for her and keep her safe?

Because you haven’t told her.

I sit down heavily on the couch and rub my hands over my face. I don’t even know how she feels about me. Everything’s happened so quickly between us. We’ve never even talked about what we wanted from each other. Maybe she’d never intended for this to be anything more than a bit of fun.

The sex has been incredible. Mind-blowing. Is that all she wants?

The thought makes me feel ill. I swear I sense in her that it’s so much more than that… I can feel it in how she looks at me. She even took me to meet her parents.

So why didn’t she tell me about Sean?

Fucking Sean. I don’t even know this guy and I want to punch his face in. How could anyone scare Olena? Threaten Olena? Anger simmers and nearly boils over at the thought of anyone hurting her. The impulse to get into my truck and run back to her—to be there to protect her—is intense, but I shut it down. She doesn’t want me to rescue her.