Hey Jude (Lennox Valley Chronicles #1)

Driving in silence to the river, Nat gives my knee a squeeze. She can tell I need more time to feel my feelings before talking it out. Unlike me with my usual anxious blathering, Nat has the ability to be patient in these situations. As she parks her car beside Lyons Park, I push away the memory of running into Jude here. That was before everything went to shit. Before I ruined everything with my drama.

We get out and stretch. I try to breathe deeply and slowly to settle my nerves. Nat waits for me to talk and breaks off a piece of her granola bar to share with me. I accept the food gratefully; I haven’t eaten anything yet today.

Right. Jude brought me breakfast and then I just… Fuck.

I swallow the bite and take a deep breath. When I speak, the story comes out in a jumbled rush. Through shuddering sobs, I tell her everything while we sit on the park bench. Being the boss-level best friend that she is, Nat listens with rapt attention.

“That sounds like it was really fucking hard, Olena,” she says when I’m finished.

“It was pretty brutal, yeah.” I take a deep breath and meet her eyes. “I haven’t been that scared in… a long time.”

“No shit. I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks. And like… the timing.” I let out a soft whimper and drop my face into my hands.

“Yup. Shit timing.”

“Such shit. After the night we’d just had?” I drag my hands down my face, then sit up and look at her. “It was just so beautiful and perfect… and hot, Nat,” I say, pressing my fingers against my forehead. “Oh, my God, it was so hot, you have no idea…” I take a deep breath and wipe my eyes on my hoodie sleeve.

She smiles at me sadly.

“And I just… freaked out and fucked everything up.” I shrug helplessly. “He’s never gonna want to see me again.”

Nat levels a look at me. “Len, my beautiful, amazing friend…” She reaches out to touch my hand. “Remember when we agreed to call bullshit on each other?”

I look at her warily. “Yeah.”

“Well, I hate to be that person but… what I’m hearing is bullshit.”

“What?” I’m not sure how to respond.

Nat smiles at me. She brushes a wayward braid back from her forehead and tucks it into her hair elastic. “Here’s how I’m seeing things. You had a panic attack, and he saw that. Now, is that ideal right after a sexy date and an even sexier sleepover? No. But… he stayed with you, held you, and helped you calm down. He showed concern for your well-being.”

I give her a look and frown.

She goes on more quietly. “Sounds like he didn’t know this jerk brother of his was coming over and he was just as surprised as you were.”

I tilt my head, considering.

“And… it sounds like this guy has real feelings for you.” She raises her eyebrows at me. “Like, don’t tell me you didn’t swoon right out of your shoes when he said that stuff about being done running. Because,” she says as she widens her eyes, “Olena. Come on.” She fans her face with her hand and rolls her eyes dramatically.

I laugh, blinking the tears away.

“He didn’t run away. You had a hard time in his presence, and he reacted with kindness and care. He didn’t run.”

I meet her eyes.

She pauses a moment before continuing. “You know who ran, though?”

Realization slams into me. “Oh, fuck.” I drop my face into my hands. “Me.”

“Ding ding ding!”

“Hey, shut up.” I sit up and slug her in the arm lightly.

“It’s okay; you have legit reasons. Reasons you’re still working on.” She squeezes my shoulder. “But girl, listen to me. You are allowed to have a hard time. He can give you the grace to be a human being with complex emotions and experiences. If he isn’t willing to do that… that’s the red flag. You having a panic attack? That ain’t a red flag. His response is a big-ass green flag. Huge.”

I take a moment to let her words sink in as I look out at the river. Jude was incredible last night—and this morning, if I’m honest with myself. My spiral of shame made me push him away and I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t see him.