Lib Novel Page 35
“Good. Okay.” I turn and walk back to my car.
“Olena.”
My eyes close the moment he says my name and I stop, a tightness burning in the back of my throat. I inhale to fight off the tears and turn back to face him. “Yeah?”
“Thanks for your help.”
My brows pinch together and I turn away, not trusting myself to respond.
14
JUDE
Thanks for your help.
The words weigh me down like an anvil on my chest as I push open my front door. Regret doesn’t begin to touch how I feel about the way I left things with Olena tonight. The pain in her eyes as she turned away from me haunts my thoughts. I can’t believe I’ve been such an asshole.
I had her in my arms, could feel her body against mine, had those beautiful brown eyes staring up at me… and I blew it. I balked at the first tiny interruption and pushed her away. I should have run straight back to her and finished what we started. I should have kissed her right there in the rain the minute Teddy drove off.
But no. I had to drive an ice cold wedge between us and thank her for her help? I had treated her like any other colleague, making it seem like that’s all she was to me.
Nothing could be further from the truth. The reality is, no matter how hard I’ve tried to fight this attraction, I haven’t been able to get Olena out of my mind since the first time I laid eyes on her. I should have told her as much tonight, while we were alone and I had the chance. Now she’ll probably never look at me with anything other than hurt and resentment.
And I’ll deserve it.
Fuck, she felt so good up against me.
I shake my head and drop my keys on the table inside the door, plodding to the fireplace with Murphy at my heels. I grimace and curse under my breath when I see I’m out of firewood.
No, this is good, I realize. Even though I’m soaked to the bone, filthy, and exhausted, I need to work off this energy if I want to sleep tonight. Murphy settles on his bed in the living room and I head out the back door, flicking on the light outside the shed. Its yellow pallor casts a grim glow around me.
Under the overhanging shelter between my house and the shed, I pull my axe out of the chopping block and set up a log to split. The hiss of the rain surrounds me as it hits the roof, gutters, and ground. I exhale harshly, my breath a cloud of fog, then raise the handle above my head. I slice down and strike the wood, grunting loudly in frustration. Over and over again, I raise the axe and strike down hard until the log gives way, splitting into two pieces that tumble at my feet. The burn in my muscles from the hard work feels like far less pain than I deserve for pushing Olena away. Shaking my head, I set up another piece to split. Her hurt expression flashes in front of my eyes once more. Grimacing with renewed anger at myself, I slam the blade down. Again and again, I slice downward with everything I’ve got left.
Breathing hard now, I’m reminded of how her body felt pressed against mine, our breaths fast and hot after I chased her across the property. Fuck. I can’t push the memories away. In frustration, I hammer down one last time, splitting the second piece in two, before throwing the axe to the ground. Pacing a few steps to let my breathing settle, I collect enough of the wood to make a fire, stack the rest, and head inside.
Murphy raises his head as I come in, lifting a quizzical eyebrow in the way only dogs like him can.
“We need to talk about your timing, bud,” I say to him, ruffling his head as I pass by. “That’s when you decide to bark?”
Murphy yawns and lays his head back down on his paws.
I peel off my soaked hoodie and t-shirt and hang them across the rack above the wood stove to dry, then crouch down to build the fire. My legs are chafed and burning from the wet denim against my skin. I need a shower—and badly.
Once the fire has started, I peel off my jeans and hang them above the stove as well, heading to the bathroom.
The hot water feels like the second best thing to touch my skin tonight. I wash slowly, watching all the dirt, bits of grass, and sawdust sliding down the drain at my feet. When I’m finally clean, I stand under the water, steam billowing up around me, tormented by my memories.
Olena smiling at me. Olena covered in sawdust with the leaf in her hair. Olena’s eyes as she painted me with mud. Olena’s shrieking laughter as she ran from me. Olena’s lips inches from mine.
I close my eyes and frown, trying hopelessly to shake the images from my mind.
I can’t get involved with Olena. But I can’t get her out of my head…
I’m rock hard at the mere thought of her and I know chopping wood wasn’t enough; I need the release I’ve been craving every day since I met her. I take my cock in hand, stroking gently at first. I so badly wish tonight had ended differently; that, somehow, she was here with me. Picturing her here in my shower—the water running over her breasts, down her back, over her ass—has me pumping harder. My body aches for her and my cock pulses beneath my hand. I close my eyes as I stroke faster, imagination running wild as I picture her naked body pressed against me; a feast for my senses, a sweet indulgence for my lips and tongue to devour. My release builds quickly and the thought of tasting her is enough to send me over the edge. With a groan, I come hard and long, shuddering under the running water.
It takes me nearly a minute to get my bearings. After I turn off the water, the steam begins to clear—both in the bathroom and in my head.
I dry off and put on a clean t-shirt and sweatpants. Grabbing some leftovers from the fridge, I return to the living room and sit in front of the fire with Murphy, who wanders over to the couch and drops his head in my lap. As I eat dinner and stare through the glass door at the flames, an awful but inevitable realization settles over me.