Graceless (Grace Notes #2)

“I mean, I’m not saying you’re not a great nanny,” Cassidy frowned, “but it seems like Savannah could afford twelve nannies if you wanted to try something new.”

Lane almost snapped at her, but they took in a long, deep breath instead. She had no way of understanding.

“It’s more than that.” Their voice came out steadier than they felt. “I’ve been with Tucker for three years. Brynn is like, my best friend, you know? And Savannah… she’s been this kind of…guide in my life, for like, a decade and a half…”

“I see.” Cassidy’s voice had gone a little tight. Lane knew this was a weird sore spot between them.

“She’s your actual blood sister.” They tried to make her understand. “You’ll be family forever, no matter what. For me though, I could lose them-” Their voice caught, and they tugged at Misty, nudging her ribs and making her walk on. Cassidy kept pace easily.

“You think if you didn’t work for them, they’d ditch you? Some sense of family you’ve got.” Her voice was light again, and they knew she was trying to make them see they were worrying unnecessarily, but for Lane, it was their biggest trigger. It took a full minute of remembering how to breathe – deeply into the base of their lungs the way Rosalie had taught them – before they responded.

“Cassidy,” they said, “my real family did ditch me. I haven’t seen or heard from them since I was thirteen.”

“Shit.” Cassidy looked at them, but Lane couldn’t look at her face. “I’m sorry, Lane.” Her voice was soft. They walked on for a while through the dappled light under the trees. When Lane didn’t elaborate, given the space, she spoke again. “Savannah will never ditch you,” she told them evenly. “I would stake my life on that. She’s loyal and no matter what, she looks after the people she loves.”

Lane looked at her then, pointedly. She caught the look and sighed.

“I know, I know. Sometimes she’s misguided in how she does it,” she told them, “Sometimes it makes things worse, actually.” Lane blinked. That made about zero sense. “But listen, whether you’re their nanny or just their…Lane, if Savannah has said you’re family, you’re family. Forever. And you know they’ll all want you to live your best life.”

“Thanks,” Lane said, not entirely convinced but also kind of soothed. “I appreciate that. You know,” they said, “it still weirds me out a little when you’re all like, sweet and caring.”

“Then you can go fuck yourself,” Cassidy said easily, making them laugh. Lane watched her for a little. There was a light in her eyes. Cassidy, it seemed, liked spending time with them. Lane wasn’t sure what that meant. “You know,” Cassidy continued after a while, “if it makes you feel any better, I know for sure that given the choice between me – her actual sister – and you, Savannah would pick you in a heartbeat.”

“Probably,” they agreed with a shrug, and Cassidy rolled her eyes.

“I mean, I get it,” she said. “You’re a lot more lovable than I am.” Her voice was wry.

“I don’t know,” Lane said without thinking. “I think you would be pretty easy to-” they swallowed. “To-”

“To what, Lane?” Cassidy’s eyes were dancing with mischief and far too much enjoyment. At that moment they came out from the trees and onto open ground, the sunlight gleaming down and making Cassidy literally glow.

“Shut up,” Lane grumbled, wincing with discomfort. Cassidy burst into laughter and with barely a nudge moved Jasper into a canter, then a gallop, racing away freely across the open field. Lane, somewhat less seamlessly, encouraged Misty to do the same, and they thundered across the grass in the light. Lane watched Cassidy, her body moving easily, her hair flying behind her. Something that almost felt like joy lit up inside them as they raced together under the blue sky.

After their run, they slowed the horses, Lane pointing the way to the stream for them to drink.

“What about you?” they asked. “What are you going to do with your life?”

Cassidy looked pensive.

“I want to be a musician,” she said. Her eyes flicked up to Lane. “A country singer, actually.”

“That’s why you’re hanging out with Brynn in the studio?” they asked. “For the experience?”

“Yeah,” she said. “She’s a brilliant teacher. And Greta and Coral and Noah as well.”

“I’m sure,” Lane agreed. “God,” they sighed, in sudden realization. “You’re going to set the world on fire, aren’t you?”

“Because I’m Savannah Grace’s little sister?” she asked, flatly.

“Oh.” Lane was surprised. “I meant because you’re stupidly hot, you’ve got great teachers, and I bet you’re fucking good.”

“…Because I’m her sister?” she said again, looking at them warily.

“Is that kind of thing even genetic?” they asked. “Like, blonde hair, blue eyes and a habit of winning Grammys?” She blinked. “I don’t know… you just have this thing about you, like you’re naturally great at stuff. Like… you were never into fashion then bam, you look amazing all the time. You’re a really great kisser. You ride a horse like you were born on the back of one. If you say you’re going to be a country singer, it just seems about right you’d be amazing at that, too.”

Cassidy looked down at her hands on the reins and took a long, deep breath. When she looked up, her eyes were clear.

“Lane, if this is you trying to see if we can be friends, you’re doing a terrible job of it,” she said softly. “I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to kiss someone so badly in all my life.” Lane almost stopped breathing.