Graceless (Grace Notes #2)

“I mean, she was a dick about my gender at first, but she apologized. I think it was more ignorance than prejudice. We moved on from it.”

“And aside from your gender?”

Lane thought for a moment.

“I think she likes me?” they said wonderingly. “She can be so prickly around people, like a real pain in the ass, but with me she’s been… almost soft? Like… considerate and stuff.”

“You want to know what I think?” Rosalie asked. Lane nodded, then watched her closely. Rosalie rarely gave advice, but when she did, it was usually solid. “Political differences, general prickliness, how someone talks about their mom, how they treat the restaurant server… all of that can absolutely be red flags sometimes. But what counts – what actually counts – is how they treat you. Someone could be a Nobel prize-winning humanitarian and yet treat you like dirt. It’s what happens between the two of you that matters.”

Lane thought about that for a moment. They thought of Cassidy apologising for her fuck ups and holding Mia at bay for them. Then, there she was being vulnerable at the Ryman, or smoothly getting Lane out of danger and refusing to let them feel bad about it. And now, last night, even when drunk she was respecting their physical boundaries and dealing maturely with their stupid tantrum about her very reasonably moving on.

“Ugh,” they said after a while. “It’s annoying when you’re so smart about everything.”

Rosalie snorted.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m a disaster in my own life.” Lane laughed. “As for the lust or love thing-”

“Lust or like-” Lane jumped in quickly. “Jesus, have some chill, Ros.”

“Lust or like.” She rolled her eyes. “Lust is mainly a physical thing. You can experience it without wanting to know someone on a deeper level. The other L-word,” she gave a small smile, “that’s more emotional and mental. There’s a growing connection. Caring about them. Vulnerability.“

Lane thought of their panic when Cassidy disappeared out on a ride alone. They thought of the night before when she fell asleep on Lane on the sofa. They’d sat there so long propping her up that their shoulders cramped, before they carefully extricated themself, lay her head on a pillow and covered her gently with a blanket.

They thought of how they’d sat there, confused, watching her sleep for far too long, before leaving a glass of water and a couple of tylenol on the coffee table next to her. They thought of the soft kiss they’d dropped on her hair before they went off to tell Brynn and Savannah that Cassidy was fine, sleeping it off on their sofa. They thought of the slight hollowness in their chest when they woke up to find her gone.

“Shit,” they said.

Rosalie smiled.

“Pity it’s just too complicated, then.”

“Ugh. Is this session over?”

“Sure.” She stretched in her chair. “How’s Cassidy settling in anyway?”

Lane froze.

“I’m sorry?”

“Cassidy. I had lunch with Savannah a couple of weeks ago. She told me her little sister was staying.”

“Oh. Yeah. You know. Fine, I think,” Lane managed, their voice tight.

“Oh, that’s great news,” Rosalie said. “Savannah said it was challenging. What with how she came from deep MAGA territory and all.” Lane went extremely still as Rosalie’s green eyes danced. “I haven’t met her, but since she’s Savannah’s sister, I bet she’s beyond gorgeous. Sucks to be you, huh?”

Lane stared at her, their face flaming.

“Rosalie…” Their voice came out hoarse.

She smiled, then mimed zipping her lips.

“Confidentiality, remember? No one is going to hear it from me.”

“Fuuuuuck…” Lane dropped their head back, staring at the ceiling.

“Look on the bright side,” Rosalie said. “At least this time I actually believe you that it’s complicated.”

The following day was a Sunday, and their day off. Lane spent the morning doing laundry and studying, went for a run, then did an hour in the second floor gym. They showered the sweat from their pleasantly aching muscles and after they’d eaten lunch, they found themselves sitting on the couch frowning out the window, trying to make up their mind.