Graceless (Grace Notes #2)

“Your family,” said Brynn softly. Lane swallowed audibly, biting down emotion.

“Yeah,” they said quietly. “I mean, especially when they’re pregnant.”

Savannah found herself blinking back tears. She knew enough of Lane’s story to see the fear that lay beneath the protectiveness. They’d already lost one family; they were terrified of anything that might cause the loss of another. Even just a routine pregnancy. She heaved herself to her feet and walked over to where Lane sat. She leaned down and dropped a kiss on the top of their head.

Then she waddled inside to go and find her sister.

“Cassidy?” She knocked on the bedroom door. “Come on, Cass, let me in.”

“Don’t call me that,” came the low voice from the other side. Savannah decided to take that as an invitation and opened the door and stepped in. Her sister was on her bed, leaning against the wall, curled in on herself. She looked about twelve. Gingerly, Savannah sat on the edge of the mattress.

“What’s going on?” she asked as gently as she could. “What happened? Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you came to me, but please can you tell me,” she practically begged, “what made you leave?”

Tears were sliding down Cassidy’s face.

“You honestly can’t think of a reason?”

Savannah frowned and shook her head, and Cassidy scoffed through her tears.

“Please. Randy never hit you?” she said flatly. Savannah went rigid.

“Cassie,” she whispered. “He hurt you too?”

Her sister looked at her for a beat. Then she lifted the hem of her loose cotton shirt and lifted it. Savannah gasped. In the center of her abdomen bloomed the fading remains of a ferocious bruise, still purple in the center, bleeding to green then red. It was about the size of a large male fist.

“No.” Savannah felt her face crumple. She reached for her sister, but Cassidy jerked out of her reach and Savannah’s hands fell uselessly beside her. “Honey, I’m sorry,” her voice broke, “I didn’t know.”

“You did though. You talked in the media about him being violent. You knew this whole time what he was like.”

“I thought it was because I was his step-kid.” She raised her wet eyes to look sorrowfully at her sister. “Cassie, he doted on you as a child. I thought he hit me because I wasn’t his, and because he knew he couldn’t control me. I never dreamed he would hurt you.”

“And when I grew up and I wasn’t a cute little toddler anymore?” Cassidy said miserably. “You left me with him. You didn’t come back for me.”

Tears streamed down her face, a terrible shame ripping through her.

“I- I checked in on you all the time,” she tried. “Twice a year I spoke to Mom. I asked her if there were any problems, if you were all okay. She always told me you were doing great.”

“You think she would tell you? How stupid are you?”

Savannah had no answer to that.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her heart cracking. She thought of the cute curly-haired toddler she’d been forced to leave behind, then the shy, stuttering teenager she’d seen the last time, when she actually had a choice. Why hadn’t she taken her away from the shadow of her parents, gotten to know her, checked on her properly? “I am so, so sorry, Cassie. I didn’t know. I should have.”

“Don’t call me that,” Cassidy was crying too. “You can’t call me pet names.”

“Okay,” she struggled to speak. She felt dizzy and numb. “Listen to me.” She took a breath. “You’re safe now. You can live here as long as you need, forever, if you want to. But no matter what you choose, no one is ever going to lay a finger on you ever again, as long as I’m alive.”

Cassidy nodded, sniffling. Savannah took immense comfort in the fact that her little sister at least still saw her as a valid protector, despite how terribly she’d fallen down on that duty.

“It’s okay that you’re angry with me,” she continued. “I get it. I understand why.”

Cassidy raised her head.

“You think that’s the only reason I have to be angry at you?” Her voice cracked with emotion. “A few fists thrown? Are you fucking serious?”

“What else?” Savannah asked helplessly, miserable to think there might be more.

“Fuck!” Cassidy cried in exasperation, her body unfurling to sit bolt upright. “I can’t do this with you right now Savannah, with your perfect shiny life and this… clueless sunshine world you live in. Please, please, can you just leave me alone?”