Graceless (Grace Notes #2)

Okay, so Lane didn’t exactly know their classmates; it was weird free floating between graduating classes, not having consistent peers. But it didn’t matter. It had only taken a handful of conversations over the years to realize that Lane was the square peg in the round hole here. They didn’t understand exactly what it was about being in this particular space – education was radical as far as Lane was concerned – and yet there seemed to be a hell of a lot of traditional worldviews surrounding them here in early childhood education. Lane didn’t need to get into any complex situations with their peers to know they’d act just like Cassidy had: dismissive, disbelieving, disrespectful of the identity Lane had fought so hard to claim.

So they avoided them. Mostly.

“Lane!” The voice followed them out into the corridor. Damnit, they didn’t have their headphones on fast enough to pretend they didn’t hear. “Hey, wait up! Damn, you’re fast.”

“Hey Aria.” They tried not to sigh. “Just on my way out.”

“Got time to grab a coffee? We’ve got to sort out our group project before we run out of time to pick a good subject.” Aria was perhaps a year younger than them, pretty, polished, poised…all things Lane was not. She was also perpetually cheerful, which Lane struggled with. She had sleek black box braids, warm brown skin and her long lashes surrounded big dark eyes that wouldn’t let them escape all that easily.

“You know it’s fine,” Lane tried. “You’ve got a bigger workload than me. I’m happy just to smash it out myself and pop your name on it. I’m a straight-A student, so your GPA won’t suffer, I promise.”

“You know that’s cheating, right?” Aria smiled broadly. “I’m not about that life. Come on, I told Mia I’d be the Lane-wrangler and get you over to Buddies so we can hash it out real quick.” Ignoring Lane’s stiffness, she looped her arm through theirs and practically dragged them across the lawn to the one coffee shop open this semester.

Seated just inside where the AC thankfully roared was a young woman Lane vaguely recognised from class. She too was extremely pretty, with light brown skin – possibly of Mediterranean heritage – and as far as early childhood students went, she was straight up interesting. Tattoos peaked out of one sleeve and traveled down her arm, a small gold septum ring gleamed and her loose curly hair stopped just above her shoulders, dyed a soft mermaid green.

“Oh wow, you managed to catch them,” she enthused to Aria. “I’m a little jealous.” She looked over at Lane with a hint of a tease in her eyes. “It is they/them you use, isn’t it?”

“Ah, yeah,” Lane said, slightly surprised. “And you?”

“Oh, she/her,” Mia said, a small smirk appearing. “Believe me, I am all woman.”

“Oh my god,” Aria rolled her eyes, but Mia ignored her, practically twinkling at Lane, who had no idea what to do with that claim. “Now we’ve got that out the way,” Aria raised her eyebrows higher. “Can we pick a topic?”

On the drive home late that afternoon, Lane reflected. It was – despite their best efforts – the most social they’d been at school in a while. And to their surprise, their classmates were excited about their topic suggestion – gender policing in early childhood – and they’d divvied up the tasks pretty easily. Group projects were about the most painful thing Lane could think of, but while Aria was relentlessly cheerful and Mia was persistently flirtatious, Lane found they didn’t hate the idea of working with either of them.

Pulling into the compound and parking their car, they trudged from the parking garage through the baking heat and over to the guest house by the pool. After a year of employment, Savannah had suggested Lane take the guest house as their own and Lane adored the insane freedom and privilege of basically having their own home. Normally, the guest house would have been saved for important visitors, but Lane was the only permanent live-in employee, and Savannah knew Lane had never had a place of their own before. Even though it, of course, belonged to their employer, walking in the door of their own home at the end of the day never failed to make Lane feel like they’d made it.

The guesthouse was on the other side of the pool from the house and on the way past, Lane spotted Cassidy, sitting hunched alone at the poolside. Despite the insane heat of the day, she was still fully dressed in the same gray dress from this morning, with just her legs in the pool. She looked miserable – flushed and sweaty – and absolutely wilted.

“Why the heck aren’t you swimming?” they asked and her head jerked up.

“Because I don’t want to,” she muttered, paddling her feet glumly.

“Right…” Lane dropped their bag, kicked off their shoes, grabbed their shirt over their head and dove straight into the delicious cool water. They surfaced and blinked the water from their eyelashes. “Just horrible,” they told her, grinning. Cassidy observed them irritably, clear jealousy in her expression.

“I didn’t exactly pack a swimsuit,” she admitted. Lane looked at her.

“I mean, you could just ask for one?”

“I’m hardly the same size as anyone here,” Cassidy said, like Lane was an idiot. It was true that Savannah was – especially now – voluptuous, and Brynn was too tall compared with Cassidy’s slight frame.

“I meant, you know Savannah would get you whatever you wanted, right?”

“Yeah, right. I don’t want her to buy me more stuff. She’s paid for basically my whole life since I was a kid.” She looked inexplicably disgusted.

“Wow, yeah, she’s a real asshole.” Lane shrugged. Cassidy rolled her eyes. It was kind of satisfying for a while, splashing around enjoying the cool water while Cassidy grouched and sweated on the hot stone pool ground. Eventually, though, the ridiculousness of the situation chafed at them. “Oh my god just get in,” they said finally. “Swim in your underwear.”

Cassidy looked like Lane had just indecently propositioned her.

“Oh, sure.” She narrowed her eyes.

“Swim in your stupid dress then,” Lane said, exasperated, “I don’t care. Just stop sitting there like a hot, angry porcupine intent on ruining your own damn day.”

“What’s it to you?” she snapped, but Lane could see the temptation in her eyes.

“Do it.” They drifted closer. “Do it or I’ll pull you in,” they threatened, making as if to reach for Cassidy’s ankle. She squeaked and dodged away. Lane made to reach again and then splash, Cassidy jumped fully dressed into the pool. She slipped straight under the water and popped up gasping, pushing her wet hair out of her eyes, her dress both clinging to her and billowing in the water. She looked like a particularly pretty drowned rat. Lane laughed out loud in glee. “Yes!”

“Argh!” Cassidy tried to fight the smile that was tugging at the corners of her mouth, but lost the battle. “Oh my god that’s good,” she groaned, then kicked up onto her back and floated there.