Deep in Desire: A Sapphic Age-Gap Romance

“She thinks you’re incredible. I’ve only heard about the professional Ms. Morgan from Mom. Plus, I might have Googled you—just a little.”

They stayed like that for a while longer, chatting and joking as they basked in the afterglow of their passion. As the early afternoon sky started to cloud over outside, they both knew that this was only the beginning of their journey together.

Holly was tracing patterns on Deborah’s arm when Deborah suddenly sighed deeply.

“Holly…” Deborah began hesitantly, her voice tinged with anxiety.

“Yeah?” Holly responded softly, her fingers stopping on Deborah’s arm.

“I… I’m starting to worry. I’m sorry, but it keeps pushing itself forward in my mind. I’ve tried tohold these thoughts back, but I feel sick about what my friends might think,” Deborah admitted, her eyes avoiding Holly’s gaze.

Deborah’s heart sank as soon as she’d uttered those words. She knew the conversation had to be had, but it didn’t make it any easier to say it out loud.

“What do you mean? Look, she’s my mother and she only wants me to be happy.”

“Listen to me; we’re at different stages in our lives, Holly,” Deborah explained, her voice quivering. “Such different stages. You’ve got to be able to see that. There’s the age difference. Seriously, I think you’re wrong about your mom. I’m not sure how she’ll react, but I don’t think it’s going to be as easy as you say. What if she doesn’t understand? What if she thinks it’s… inappropriate?”

“Nora’s ten years younger than Mom, Deborah! Like it even matters!”

“Our age difference is double that. Esme will be bothered about double that. Even Nora will raise an eyebrow, and nothing usually fazes that one.”

Deborah could plainly see the hurt and frustration in Holly’s eyes. She had hoped not to lether doubts cloud what they had shared, but she couldn’t help herself.

“Deborah, I don’t care what anyone else thinks. This is you and me. How do we feel? Didn’t we both say that we’ve not felt like this in, well, forever, in my case? Age is just a number, right?”

Deborah shook her head. “I hear what you’re saying, but I need time to think. I need to sort my head out.”

Holly’s mouth turned downwards at Deborah’s words.

“I guess I kinda expected some challenges, but I sure didn’t anticipate you questioning all this so soon after we…”

There was an uncomfortable pause.

“You want me to leave, right?” Holly asked softly, straightening her back and reaching for her clothes.

Deborah looked at her with a mixture of regret and determination. “I think I just need some space to figure all this out. I’ve got a lot of issues at work, and the timing is… o-off,” she stuttered as she swallowed back a lump in her throat and blinked back the tears.

Holly nodded slowly before saying in anupbeat, breezy voice, “That’s just fine! You can have all the time you need.”

Deborah reached out to cup Holly’s cheek, but Holly shifted backward. “Thank you, Holly. Please know that this isn’t easy for me either, right?”

Holly nodded again, her expression impossible to decipher. She leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against Deborah’s lips. She could taste the lingering sweetness of their earlier passion.

“Be seeing ya, Deborah,” Holly stated bluntly, her voice sounding easy and confident.

Deborah closed her eyes, her tears threatening to spill over. “Holly? I just need a little time.”

“Yeah, you said that already.”

Holly opened the car door, and Deborah felt the cooler air hit her in the face. Deborah eventually climbed into the front, settling in the driver’s seat. She leaned against the steering wheel for support as she fought back tears. Uncertainty gnawed at her. It was as if Holly didn’t care. Her response had been almost indifferent. Or was it her age, proving immaturity in defense to a grown-up conversation? It was hard to say.

As Deborah drove back home, she vowed to hold onto hope. She believed in the connection they shared. She just hoped that Holly wouldunderstand her need to think things through. She also hoped that her friends would eventually understand their relationship. Although it seemed so unlikely. Why would she get tangled up with her best friend’s daughter? How could she ever explain that? Even if she suggested that she didn’t realize in was Holly in the beginning, would anyone believe her?

6

HOLLY

Holly stood on the balcony of the apartment her mother had recently rented out for her in Los Feliz, staring out at the leafy street as the sun dipped below the horizon. The breeze tugged at her hair, teasing it into wild tangles that almost seemed to mirror the chaos of the thoughts whizzing through her mind. She felt a strange detachment. It was as if she were observing her life from a distance. Her thoughts kept drifting to Deborah. She couldn’t get the enigmatic woman who had captured her heart with a single glance at her mother’s wedding out of her head.