Darkest Sins (Perfectly Imperfect #9)

I start applying a new dressing. “Keep taking them for at least five more days. Just in case.”

It’s so damn hard being this close, with my whole being aching to snuggle up to him. To feel his warmth enveloping me. I’ve always felt as if nothing could touch me when I was in his arms. How could he leave me?

“I thought you loved me,” I whisper. “I guess I was wrong.”

Kai’s arm shoots out, wrapping around my waist and crushing me to his body. I can feel the rise and fall of his chest. His breathing—fast and shallow. His other hand comes to the back of my head, fingers tangling in my hair. Warm breath tingles my skin as he lowers his head until his mouth hovers next to my ear.

“You were.” The husky timbre of his voice reverberates through me, all the way to my bones. “But only about your use of past tense. Not only do Istilllove you. I fucking live for you, tiger cub.”

My breath hitches. I wrap my arms around him, holding him tight.

“Every breath,” he continues. “Every heartbeat. Every drop of my blood is yours. It has all been yours from the moment we met all those years ago. If you want it, I’ll carve my fucking heart out and lay it at your feet. It’s yours, and always will be.”

It’s not just my hands shaking anymore; my whole body is racked by tremors. I dig my nails into his back with all my strength, while tears unabashedly flow down my cheeks.

“So why did you leave me?” It was meant to be a scream but it ended up as a pained whimper. “Why?”

His embrace gets stronger, squeezing me as if he’s trying to merge my body with his. In the next moment, he lifts me and sets me on top of the dresser. His palms move up my arms, slowly, as if savoring the touch, then over my shoulders to cup my face.

“Ask me anything, but that.” The look in his eyes as they meet mine is so full of torment and sorrow. “If I tell you, you’ll hate me forever, cub. Say the word, and I’ll confess every dark sin of mine to you. Just not that one.”

I take his face into my hands and press my forehead to his.

When my father was murdered, I was too shaken up to think about anything at all. But after some time, as I lay awake in my bed, waiting in vain for my demon to return, thinking was the only thing I could do. That call he received the last time we were together. The way my father was killed—one shot to the head. And then, my demon disappeared into thin air. It took me a while, but eventually, I connected the dots.

“I already know,” I whisper. “I know it was you.”

Kai jerks and starts pulling away, but I wrap my legs around his middle, holding him in place.

“I was so angry and hurt when I realized it was you,” I continue. “For a while, I even hated you. The only man whom I trusted absolutely. The man who said he’ll never do me harm. The love of my life . . .”

“Please,” he chokes out, “don’t say it.”

“The man who killed my father.” I finish with a shaking breath.

Shudders pass through his body, faint at first, but then his entire frame begins to shake.

“I didn’t know, cub.” A tear slides down his cheek. “I swear, I didn’t know. When I saw you there, rushing toward him, and realized what I had done . . . I wanted to die, Nera. I’d rather kill myself a thousand times than cause you the slightest anguish. But I didn’t know. The fucking barely literate bastard that I am, I didn’t even bother to read the bio of the target. Please, believe me. I didn’t know. I didn’t fucking know.”

I close my eyes and drop my head, burying my nose in the crook of his neck.

“Take my gun, cub. I’ll kneel before you, so you can shoot me in the head.” His voice sounds so broken, making me hurt from the weight of pain I can hear in it.

“Sometimes, fate likes to play a harsh game with our lives,” I say into his neck while I run my palm over his braid. “I know you’d never intentionally do anything to hurt me.”

“I am so sorry, cub.” His hand is on my back now, pressing me to his still-shaking body.

I loved my father. Realizing that my demon was the one who killed him, almost crushed me. Almost. But I forgave him.Nearly as soon as I grasped the truth. I loved him too much not to. Yet, he still left. And thatdidcrush me.

Destroyed me.

Condemned me to hell.

But, my heart knows . . . I’m going to forgive that, too.

I straighten and cradle his face with my palms. His eyes are red-rimmed and glassy. Lost. Wiping away the moisture from his cheeks with my thumbs, I take a deep breath. “I forgave you. For my father. Years ago.”

“Some things can never be forgiven, tiger cub.”