Can't Touch This (Can't Touch This #1)

THE LOG I SAT ON was a perfect thinking, crying, plotting stool.

I stared at the river, where a few weeks ago, I’d been on all fours with Ryder inside me and dogs running recklessly free.

Now, I was alone and contemplating what was the right thing.

I should walk away and give him the freedom to claim his child. I should forget about him and put him back into the client box.

But why should I do that?

It would only grant me pain. Many couples had children with other people. It was never a simple arrangement with exes who became part of the marriage with holiday custody and collection times but if they could make it work, we could.

Couldn’t we?

I wish I’d run to Polly rather than the river. I really needed to talk to someone rather than driving myself crazy with these questions.

A twig snapped behind me, wrenching my head up.

Ryder held up his hands. “Just me. I’m not going to bite.”

Images of him lip-locked with Michelle and other stomach curdling thoughts of him screwing his childhood girlfriend to make little Nate overwhelmed me.

I shook my head and shot up. “I need some time alone.” I followed the river’s edge deeper into shadow.

However, Ryder didn’t let me go easily. Chasing me, he never broke out of a steady walk but his voice licked me from behind. “She doesn’t mean anything, Ves. She’s part of my past. I’m over it.”

Could’ve fooled me with the anger boiling off you.

“I was mad for a long time. She spread some rumours about me when we were kids. It sort of ruined my teenage years. But ten minutes ago, I got over it. I don’t give a shit anymore.”

I sucked in a breath. Could he mean that?

“What I do give a shit about is why you’re running away from me.” His voice lowered. “Can we talk about this, please?”

I shook my head again, swallowing tears so he didn’t see them on my cheeks.

I kept walking.

He kept chasing.

“Vesper, stop. This is stupid.”

“Stupid? Contemplating if I should break up with you for your own happiness isn't stupid, Ryder. It’s the most selfless, painful thing I’ve ever considered.”

His footfalls stopped. “Whoa, what? Why would you break up with me?”

“Because—” My throat closed up. I forced my body to keep moving.

“Because?” Twigs and pebbles sounded louder as he increased his speed, catching up with me.

Instinct made me break into a jog. “Leave me alone. I need some time.”

I only earned a few steps before large hands grabbed my shoulders, spun me around, and crushed my back against a weeping willow. The delicate stems and spear-shaped leaves framed us in a curtain wonderland. “Don’t run away from me, Ves, and don’t fucking think about breaking up with me.” He glared. “Who else can I call in the middle of the night for my rescues? Who else can I be myself with?”

I sniffed. “I’d still be your vet. But our boundaries would have to be very clear.”

“What boundaries?”

“The boundaries of no touching, no reminiscing, no discussing what we shared at any time.”