Can't Touch This (Can't Touch This #1)

But if I didn’t do it, how many lives would’ve been lost if I didn’t share what I had?

That question kept me awake far too often.

The one and only time I’d tried to stop—to avoid my weekly donation and feed myself some better food and turn the heaters on higher in winter—I just couldn’t do it. The guilt was far stronger at not helping than the guilt at burying myself under bills.

Polly, bless her heart, had joined me in my quest for donating. While we studied at university together, we even pooled our meagre part-time wages from the local supermarket into buying what we could. If it wasn’t for her, I probably wouldn’t even have my crappy apartment. She’d been the co-leaser as my income wasn’t enough to secure it, even though she had her own place.

God, I’ve screwed up my life.

Suddenly, hands landed on my shoulders, twirled me around, and heavy arms enveloped me.

I stood frozen as the best man I knew bear hugged me in the middle of the kitty dress-up aisle. For a moment, I didn’t move, then my arms returned the embrace, my hands linking behind his back and squeezing so damn hard.

My cheek pressed against his chest, his heartbeat loud in my ear. His chin rested on my head as he clutched me tighter and tighter.

But it wasn’t the tightness, or the way he held me that made tears pool in my eyes. It was the depth in which we stood. It felt as if we were the only ones in an ocean of sensation and unspoken emotion. Something tethered me to him. Something strong and undeniable and foreign but familiar.

This wasn’t just a hug.

This was a transmission of everything living between us that hadn’t found the courage to be voiced.

Before I could pinpoint exactly what the hug meant and decipher the hidden message in the way we clung to each other, Ryder pulled away and kissed me.

His lips claimed mine, switching the potent hug into a sensual lip dance. By the time the kiss ended, I was slightly breathless and holding onto his hip bones for support.

Resting his forehead against mine, he murmured, “What am I going to do with you, Vesper Fairfax?”

I was sick of the heaviness of the evening. I wanted fun again. I didn’t want to worry about my negative bank balance. I didn’t want to feel unworthy when I had nothing but debt to offer this man.

When Ryder was in my world, I could breathe and focus on living rather than worry about tomorrow. “I would like to know that too, Ryder Carson. After all, you have full permission to do whatever you want to me tonight. You guessed my secret.”

“Your secret will be cherished and never repeated.” He kissed me again. Pulling away, his smile turned into a grin, guiding me back into the light-hearted games we played. “And you’re right. I have full authority to do whatever I want to you tonight. You better be prepared.”

I matched his smile, letting go and floating free. “Any hints?”

“Let’s just say, I hope you’re horny.”

“All the time when I’m around you.”

“In that case, tonight is gonna be super fun.” His gaze darkened. “And hot. And fucking downright sinful.”

I shivered. “Come on…one little hint.”

“Nope.” Letting me go, he gathered another couple of collars: a red and orange one, the pink one I’d admired, and a baby blue with silver stars on the band before dropping them into the trolley with a mismatch of leads.“Might as well stock up on a few supplies for my own menagerie while we’re here.”

Winking, he walked away. “Although, you never know who else might need collaring tonight for being such a naughty girl.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

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Ryder

THE IN-PROGESS MANSION LOOMED FROM the darkness.

Vesper sat quietly beside me, the crinkling of shopping bags perched in the back making a noise as we bounced over pot-holes in the driveway.

I hadn’t asked if she wanted to come home with me.