Bitter Truth (Hawthorne Vines #1)

I try to give her an encouraging smile. “I won’t. Promise.”

I keep what happened with Wes tonight to myself, wanting to just focus on my friend and her excitement. She tells me all about her week with Humble Roads and her thoughts about the contract and the plans moving forward.

Eventually she says she needs to call her mom and we say our goodbyes, but not before one more demand that I’ll seriously consider coming back to LA to meet with this Todd guy.

I lay on my bed and stare up at the ceiling again, but this time the presence of the glowing stars irritates me, so I get up and start cleaning my room and sorting laundry. I make my bed even though I’m going to get in and go to sleep soon.

And then, I do something that feels surprisingly natural.

I text Wes.

“You got here fast.”

“I was already here when you texted me,” Wes answers, but the smile on his face begins to fade when he sees me. “Everything okay?”

I shake my head and drop down onto the bench next to him. “No. It’s not.”

He leans forward, resting his arms on his knees and clasping his hands together.

“I’m sorry. You know, I made that whole ordeal about how important this job is to me, and then I’m the one who crosses the line.”

“Wes, I’m not talking about the kiss,” I say.

He sits back up. “You’re not?”

I can’t help but smile, touched by his concern. “No.”

He smiles back at me. “Oh.”

“No, the kiss was …” My smile grows, and part of me is just a tiny bit embarrassed at how my entire body feels like it’s blushing at the memory. “It was perfect. This is something else.”

Wes turns so one knee comes to rest on the bench.

“My friend Vivian is a singer, and she was signed to an indie label last weekend, which is a huge deal. And before your mind even goes there, I’m not jealous, okay? There’s a part of me that wishes it had happened for me, but I’m thrilled for her. Really.”

I pause, trying to figure out the best way to explain this to him without sounding ungrateful.

“Some of the songs that she’s going to record for the label are songs that I wrote, and when this Todd guy found out, he said he wanted to meet me.”

“Holy shit, that’s amazing!” Wes says, the excitement clear in his voice. “I haven’t heard anything negative yet, so … what’s the problem?”

I tuck my hands into the pockets of my hoodie. I’m sure to Wes it doesn’t sound like a problem. Viv doesn’t think it is either, and I bet there are thousands of people who would love an opportunity like this.

But I’m not sure I want it.

“I don’t know what the problem is,” I answer him, as honestly as I can. “I’m just not sure I want to meet anyone.”

Wes is quiet for a long moment. It makes me wonder if he’s trying to figure out what to say, or if he knows what to say but doesn’t know how to say it.

“I don’t want to seem ungrateful for the opportunity,” I add. “But when I left my apartment in Venice for the last time, I had an eight-hour drive ahead of me. And I spent the entire drive convincing myself that I would never go back.” Letting out a humorless laugh, I tilt my head back and stare up into the night sky. “I realize it sounds dramatic. And with how exhausted I was and overworked and broke, you’d think I might be able to see all the reasons that leaving was the best choice.”

Then I look at Wes.

“But I worked so hard to create a life for myself, so I could pursue my dream. And to have all of it gone in a blink has been a lot to deal with.” I puff out a long, irritated breath. “So the idea of dipping my toe back into the entertainment industry feels like a horrible kind of torture. Like, we’re gonna let you get as close as possible to your dream, but just far enough away that you have to watch everyone else as they step past you across the finish line. Does that make any sense?”

He nods. “It does. It’s not easy watching everyone around you succeed. I haven’t been through exactly what you have, but I get what you mean.”

“So I don’t know what to do. Help me out, therapist.”