Lib Novel Page 45
Byron lets out a laugh, and for the first time tonight, I smile.
“Do you ever think it’s weird? How alike are we?” he asks, taking another step toward me. His scent envelopes me, warm and inviting, willing me to move closer to him, to touch him, to give in and fall into his embrace.
I cough and slide into the hallway, not forgetting the way he pulled out of me the other night. Not the fact that he was being careful about pregnancy—but the fact that he didn’t trust me. That he thought I was the kind of person who would trap another into parenthood.
The thought of a child with a father who never wanted to be a father breaks my heart. I know Byron would make a great dad, but forcing him into that role wouldn’t be fair to anyone involved.
“What do you mean?” I ask, once my head has grown a bit less fuzzy, clearer from the distance between us.
“Like,” he says, clearing his throat, “colored hair—at least, back when mine would—computer geeks, gamers—”
“—orphans,” I add, which makes him crack a smile. I shrug, then clear my throat. “I don’t know,” I say, thinking about all those years I spent in the cottage with Rosa and Kaila. There was a lot of joy, but I was also lonelier than I’ve ever been. “I think sometimes there’s solace in finding someone like you. Makes you feel less alone. That’s the whole idea of a pack, right? A group of shifters who like each other, know each other, are like each other—all working together to keep each other safe. A partnership, or a family,” I pause, watching something flicker over his face, “is like a tiny little pack.”
“I did take sociology,” he says, leaning on the wall and crossing his arms. I have to focus very carefully not to let my eyes wander to his bare biceps, which pop when he puts his arms like that. “I know about social circles.”
It’s a constant, thrumming need in my body to touch him. Choosing not to is like passing up food when you’re starving. Like wearing a sweater in the summertime because you don’t want anyone to see that you’re sweating, which only makes you sweat more.
“Well,” I say, eyes meeting his again. “Maybe you should talk to your brother. Focus on that circle.”
“Yeah,” he says, but something has hardened behind his eyes again. He steps back, putting even more space between the two of us. “Maybe.”
Chapter 19 – Byron
It is complete and total torture to be sleeping on the couch while I know Olivia is in my bed, wearing my shirt, her bare legs sliding against my sheets—
I groan into the pillow under my head and squeeze my eyes shut, wishing I could have relief from this feeling. My body insists that I know exactly what I need to do if that’s what I want—who I need to go to.
After two hours of trying to sleep, and not being able to, I drag myself off the couch and head to the bathroom. I take a long, cold shower, jack off twice, and when I’m out, I don’t feel any better than when I started.
“Hello?”
“Do you want to go for a run?”
“Uh,” Percy says, “you never do cardio willingly. Are you good?”
“I need to work through some stress,” I say, rolling my shoulders and hearing how they pop with the movement. “Are you in?”
“Well, I guess I might be getting a little out of shape, with all the laying around Veronica and I have been doing—” There’s a muffled thump on the other end of the line, two voices, then Percy says, “Veronica wants me to tell you that she’s been doing pregnancy yoga and Pilates.”
“That’s…great,” I say, closing my eyes and hoping my innate dislike for her doesn’t come through the phone. Percy is quiet for a second, and they seem to communicate through their mating bond.
My mind blinks back to how I’d done that with Olivia, unthinkingly—just sent her something into her head. It was the most natural thing in the world.
Being with her is the most natural thing in the world.
“I’ll meet you at your place,” Percy finally says, before hanging up. I grab a pair of shorts from the living room and pull them on, then find a sweatshirt, smell it, and pull it on.
If I had a mom, or a wife, they might insist that I put on more layers, but I’ve always run hot, and if I’m exercising, I’ll melt with anything more than this, even though it’s December in Minnesota.
When I step outside, Percy is there, jogging and breathing hard, his face illuminated in the streetlight. His face has started to return to its usual youthful joy, but I can’t stop the image from forming of what he looked like when we first found him out in the woods—sallow, wrinkled, his eyes empty and dark.
While under the effects of Varun’s serum, he had no idea what he was doing. The serum kept him from shifting, which eventually drove him into a fugue state. It’s crazy to think that despite that, and despite the fact that he kidnapped Veronica while in that state, the two of them are together and happy now.
Something sparks in my chest—the idea that if the two of them can get through something like that, maybe Olivia and I can work through our thing.
Except that, I know we can’t. It would require one of us to fundamentally change.
“Hey, man,” Percy says, when I get to the bottom of the steps. “What the fuck is wrong with you? It’s freezing out here. I should be cuddling with my wife.”